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  • Writer's pictureThe Matchmaker

Reconnecting and rekindling: What does your local matchmaker think?

Reconnecting and rekindling: What does your local matchmaker think?

Couples usually break up for a reason and more often than not those reasons are due to a non negotiable boundary being violated . For some it is cheating, for others it is money, and for most it is falling out of love/lust. In a perfect world both parties would end things, there would be an understanding that it is for the best, and life goes on. However, we are humans and humans are filled with emotions.

The younger you are the harder it is to have perspective on situations especially if you are the person being broken up with or if the break up was a result of something that was out of your control but needed to happen. This can sometimes lead you to not fully allow the break up to run its course- meaning, you need experience and embrace the heartbreak so that you come out of this a more mature and more empowered . So what happens? Well, in most situations the person will reach out to the other party and try to mend things. This prevents you from truly allowing yourself to heal and grow as a person.

So when someone asks me, is it healthy for me to reconnect or rekindle with someone that I had a previous fling/relationship etc. My answer is always the same: it depends. There are two scenarios here:

Scenario one: The break up happened and you allowed yourself to grow as a person and gave the other party a chance to grow as a person as well. For this to truly occur you must have cut off communication. Not necessarily block them, but also not engaging. For most relationships I say 2 years is a good time frame to give yourself. Ask yourself this- are you the same person you were two years ago? :) So if you have not truly communicated with the other person, then by all means rekindle.

Scenario two: The break up happened and you dabbled here and there by reaching out. Maybe you got drunk and sent a text or you found yourself commenting on their posts. Maybe you hung out a couple of times. In this case, you have not truly allowed yourself to heal or given both you the opportunity to grow. So no, do not rekindle. The outcome will probably be the same- heartbreak.

Why is allowing time for both party’s to grow important? Well, that is the only way that you can rekindle in a healthy way. That is, you are giving yourself the chance to meet them at a different stage of their life. So while they are the same person in the grand scheme of things, they are also different, and hopefully in a good way.

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