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  • Writer's pictureThe Matchmaker

Getting The Second Date

Many people find themselves a rut of first dates that don’t lead to a second. Maybe the date went well but then there’s no further communication or your matchmaker says there’s no interest in a second date. Maybe during the first date, the conversation feels one-sided, and that you’re doing all the work. Maybe there is hope for a second date but both parties sit in awkward silence towards the end of a date wondering who will bring up the possibility of seeing each other again.

In many cases, this comes down to simple chemistry or physical attraction - which no one can control. But in some cases, there are things you can do to ensure a second date. Changing someone else’s dating behavior may not be possible, but changing yours is easier.

The easiest thing you can do is ensure that the chosen venue strikes the right balance with a fun atmosphere but isn’t loud enough to discourage conversation.

Small Talk is something that can be practiced. Train yourself to listen more than you talk. Ask questions designed to show interest but aren’t too invasive.

Be careful not to bring up family or past relationships on first dates.

Don’t treat the date like a job interview.. Let the conversation naturally occur without quizzing them on a list of your dealbreakers off the bat.

Make sure you aren’t being overly sexual and making your date uncomfortable. Pressuring your date for sex, continually touching without consent or making constant innuendo is both creepy and rude.

The three day rule is archaic. If you’re interested in a second date, let them know.

Relax. Many people are so nervous on a first date that they have trouble showing their true personalities. That results in not talking, talking about mundane things or talking too much - instead of finding the right balance.

A good idea is to carefully read the bio of who you’re on a date with. If you work with a matchmaker, make sure to ask pertinent questions. The more information you have, the more clues into someone’s personality you will have. This will help you decide on the right venues and topics of conversation. Matchmakers stress not spending too much time on the phone beforehand. The face to face interaction will tell the tale.

When your behavior, dating strategy, and confidence are up, it gives a feeling of control and will more than likely lead to a successful first encounter which can ultimately lead to the second.

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